Trauma-informed parenting
Welcome. If you are reading this post, you and the children in your life may have had some difficult experiences, and you may be looking for answers. While blog posts are not able to serve as a stand-in for specialized mental healthcare, there are some important principles that I’ve learned as a therapist that I’d like to share.
So what is “trauma informed parenting?” Let’s start by defining the concept of trauma itself.
Trauma is a term that is often thrown around in popular culture, but you have likely heard many different definitions for this term. At its core, trauma refers to any event or experience that overwhelms an individual's ability to cope, leading to a sense of helplessness, fear, and powerlessness. Trauma can take many forms, including physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, neglect, accidents, natural disasters, and medical trauma, among others. In my practice, I often define “big T” and “little T” trauma for the folks that I work with. While “big T” traumas are the sorts of horrifying life events that are easily recognizable as traumatic, there is another sort of trauma as well. “little T” trauma refers to events in an individual’s life that can result in the same impact on the brain and the body as “big T” traumas. Examples of “little T” traumatic events include:
Bullying: Repeated verbal, physical, or social harassment can cause significant emotional distress, anxiety, and fear.
Parental divorce or separation: Children may experience significant emotional upheaval, stress, and anxiety when their parents divorce or separate. (However, it is important to note that research suggests that children experience more positive outcomes when the divorce results in improved coping for their parents, or a reduction in household conflict.)
Loss of a pet: For some children, the loss of a pet can be a significant emotional event, causing sadness and grief.
Illness or injury: Children who experience a serious illness or injury may have feelings of anxiety, fear, or vulnerability.
Repeated moves to new schools or neighborhoods: Frequent or repeated relocation to new places can be stressful for children, especially if it impacts their ability to build and maintain stable relationships.
Witnessing a car accident or other traumatic event: Children who witness a traumatic event, such as a car accident, may experience distress and emotional trauma.
While “little T” traumas may not be as severe or life-threatening as "big T" traumas, they can still have a significant impact on a child's emotional and psychological well-being. It's important to recognize the potential impact of these events.
So having defined this complex term, let’s now turn our attention to parenting. If you find yourself caring for a child or teen who has experienced one or more of these events, you’ve probably already sensed what we’re about to talk about: this is different territory in parenting land. Perhaps the tools and strategies that have worked for your other children don’t seem to be as effective as they are with your child who has survived trauma. Or perhaps your friends and peers are sharing approaches and experiences that you know would never work in your home. Often, parents share with me that they feel alone, exhausted, unempowered, and overwhelmed. So, if these are things you are feeling, you are not alone. I often find that having some specific principles and skills in helpful in creating a “compass” with which you can guide your parenting strategies for these children. We often refer to these principles and skills as “trauma-informed parenting.” Trauma-informed parenting is an approach to parenting that takes into account the impact of trauma on children and their development. It recognizes that children who have experienced trauma may have different needs and may require different types of support than children who have not experienced trauma.
Often, children who have survived trauma have heightened needs for safety, nurturance, and responsiveness in their environments. When these needs are met, it supports their healing and growth. Trauma-informed parenting involves understanding how trauma affects children, learning how to respond to their behaviors in a supportive and empathetic manner, and prioritizing their physical and emotional safety. It is an approach that recognizes that children who have experienced trauma may have different needs and may require different types of support than children who have not experienced trauma.
While trauma can affect anyone, children are particularly vulnerable, and the effects of childhood trauma can last well into adulthood. Trauma can impact children in many ways, including altering their brain development, affecting their emotional regulation, and hindering their ability to form healthy relationships. For this reason, it is crucial for parents and caregivers to understand trauma and how to parent in a trauma-informed manner.
There are several key principles of trauma-informed parenting, including:
1. Safety – creating a sense of physical and emotional safety is essential for children who have experienced trauma. Trauma-informed parents prioritize safety by establishing clear boundaries, routines, and expectations that help children feel secure and stable.
2. Trustworthiness – children who have experienced trauma may struggle to trust others and feel safe in relationships. Trauma-informed parents build trust by being consistent, reliable, and predictable in their actions and responses.
3. Choice – children who have experienced trauma may feel a sense of helplessness and lack of control. Trauma-informed parents empower children by offering choices, allowing them to have a sense of agency and control in their lives.
4. Collaboration – trauma-informed parenting recognizes that healing from trauma is a collaborative process. Trauma-informed parents work with their children, as well as healthcare providers, therapists, and other professionals, to create a supportive network that promotes healing and growth.
5. Empowerment – children who have experienced trauma may feel powerless and helpless. Trauma-informed parenting helps children regain a sense of empowerment by providing opportunities for them to develop their strengths and skills, and to feel a sense of mastery over their lives.
Having a caring adult who can provide support, safety, and understanding is key to trauma recovery in youth. Remember, post-traumatic growth is available to all survivors.
Warm wishes on your journey.
~Dr. Ann